Borderline Basic

Whats up all you cool cats and kittens!

On todays episode of Borderline Basic we have: sexual predators up for election, feelings of self doubt, and scrambling to find some sense of routine/normalcy.

These are strange times that we are living in yall. I can’t even believe it. When I said that I wanted to be apart of history this is NOT what I meant! For many of us this is going to be one of the most pivotal points in our life time. This period of time will go down in history not only because of the pandemic, but politically as well.

I know that I am personally struggling with several aspects of our current situation, and to be quite honest...I’m feeling pretty triggered. I’m angry, I’m scared, and I’m socially deprived.

Let’s start with the easy stuff. Those of you who know me personally know that I am a social person. I don’t really have any hobbies, but thats because I don’t really have time for hobbies. I work over 40 hours a week while attending school full time during the week. When you add in homework and attempting to spend some time with my partner that doesn't leave much time for hobbies. I went from being an absurdly busy person who barely had time for a social life to having WAYYYYYY too much time on my hands very abruptly. This serious schedule change has left me reeling with boredom. I mean sure, I have plenty of books to read, but for some reason every time I sit down to read I loose all of my focus, and every time I think “Maybe I’ll bake something today” I can’t get up to do it. Then I bounced some ideas around about attempting to DIY my apartment....but then I realized...there isn’t much hope for improving my steadily declining apartment. So I sit here day in and day out trying incredibly hard to think of something that would give me even an ounce of fulfillment, but at the end of the day I go to bed with nothing to show for my rotating list of ideas. I see all of these people on social media who are painting with their friends, doing creative challenges, and leading online yoga and I think to myself “Why can’t you be as productive as they are? Why can’t you be as creative as they are? Why can’t you find a hobby”? All of the self confidence that I’ve been building over the last few years is rapidly declining and its all because I can’t find a hobby? That seems insane to me, but here I am, feeling less fulfilled th...

Hey yall, It’s been quite a while.

When I started this blog, I had low expectations for myself. I mostly needed a place to vent and to organize my thoughts. I have a habit of getting excited about something and forgetting it quickly. Most of my ideas never actually come to fruition, but this one did and I wanted to take my time with it. Well much to my surprise, after making my first post I was HOOKED. I wanted to vent all of my feelings out here, I wanted to share things and thoughts that I’d always been afraid to share. Then life got the best of me and I got behind. I let my everyday life and the need to make money and do well in school take over my need to express myself. I’ve always considered myself a creative person, but never an artist. I don’t NEED to create to survive. Im more of a “get shit done because it needs to get done and worry about your self later” kind of person. I keep my nose to the grindstone. But if there is one thing that I’ve learned over the past few years, its that self exploration and self care are just as important as keeping your head above water, and are even vital to keeping your head above water.

In a recent session with my absolutely wonderful therapist Megan (seriously she's sent straight from heaven), I was marveling at the idea of finally being stable enough to be able to explore who I really am. I thought about my entire life and how I felt like I was constantly fighting this current on the surface of my life and the under current that kept pulling my under. I thought about how I was always working towards something that never felt right and how I never felt like I was in the right place. I always felt like the end of my struggles would never come. Like I would be fighting to catch my breath for the rest of my life. But over the last year or so I’ve been able to regain so many little pieces of myself that I never thought I’d see or feel again. Megan told me that as she's watched me grow over the last few weeks, it really made her realize how important and relevant Maslow’s hierarchy of needs actually is. In order for me to feel comfortable enough to explore my ideas and interests I first needed to have a solid foundation in which I could allow myself the freedom to take some risks and to try out things that I otherwise wouldn't have allowed my self to do. So in honor of all of this negativity and sadness that is happening, I’d like...

TW: Body Dysmorphia, Self Image, Weight, Self Confidence, Eating Disorders

Self Confidence. I don’t think I can name a single woman in my life, or even person in general, that hasn’t struggled with their self confidence. It’s a topic that is widely focused on now, but still isn’t where it should be. The amount of pressure on people to look their best and be at their best weight is still so completely over whelming, and to be honest defeating. Though we have come quite far with companies being more inclusive and including people with “real” bodies in their ad campaigns, those of us who grew up before this theme of inclusivity became so widely accepted, are still about as damaged as can be.

Growing up in the early 2000′s was a wild ride for sure. It was the beginning of reality TV and angsty teen dramas. Every girl you saw on TV or in the magazines was tall and skinny as all hell. In every magazine that you read there were rumors of so-and-so having some eating disorder, or a drug addiction that was attributing to her lack of body mass. But let’s face it, it was never those girls faults that they struggled with their image or felt the need to take supplements to have the perfect body. We have modern society to blame for this. In our society there is so much value, and in many cases the exact opposite, placed on a woman’s body. From how she looks, to what she chooses to do with it. Every choice is carefully monitored and judged, and it doesn’t end with the celebrities. It happens EVERY DAY to regular people.

Just a few years ago I was out running errands on a 100+ degree day, wearing a tank top and soccer shorts, just trying to stay cool. All of a sudden a Jeep drove past while a guy screamed out of the car “Put some clothes on slut!!!!”. As I looked down at my outfit to check that something wasn’t out of place I felt so much shame over my own body, and for no reason other than some self righteous mans comments.

So this is the problem. We have trained young women and men to put so much value on the way that they look and dress. We have taught people that they hold more, or even less value than someone else based on their appearance, and I’m not just talking about about clothes. I’m also talking about people who are told that they are too pretty or attractive to be taken seriously, people with body mods who are told that they will never have a serio...

Maaaaan. Can I get a “hell yeah” from all my friends who struggle with sleep due to anxiety, depression, insomnia, or literally any reason that may keep you up at night?

Let me tell YOU. I used the be the best sleeper in the world! Even my mom will tell you that I could have slept through a tornado and not have even known the difference, but that sweet sweet release of sleep has gone COMPLETELY down the drain in the last year or so.

For some people, like my very odd boyfriend (love you!) sleep is a waste of time, but an unfortunate necessity. Some people would rather spend the time that they are sleeping working on projects or doing pretty much anything else aside from laying in bed.

For people like me, sleep is an absolute necessity, and a much need reset. The word rest is important, because if you are like me, you NEED that time to allow your brain to turn off so you can finally get some fricken PEACE. I spend literally all day everyday thinking about as many things as I possibly can, and I can’t ever make it stop. It’s exhausting and debilitating and sometimes those 6-8 (recommended) hours are the only thing keeping me from snapping, and I’m not the prettiest picture when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Additionally, like most people who struggle with mental health, those hours of sleep can be the difference in setting off an episode, or helping me keep my emotions under control.

Here’s the unfortunate thing for me. I rarely get a good nights sleep anymore. Between my noisy roommate, the absurdly loud street at night, my boyfriend snoring/tossing and turning, and my never ending anxiety and rambunctious brain, I am left wanting to tear my hair out most mornings. Gotta love my poor sweet boyfriend for dealing with the hell that is me after a night of sleeplessness! There have even been nights where I wake up to go to the bathroom, come back to lay down, and I literally can’t get back to sleep because a song is on repeat in my head. The most recent song was basically just two lines from the ending scene in Grease. Can you even imagine? “YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT YOU ARE THE ONE I WANT WOOO WOOO WOOOOOOOO HONEY” over and over and over again until I need to get up for work. I mean COME ON, this is the reason I can’t get back to sleep?! I suppose I have my Halloween costume ...

Hi, It’s me, Bri.

This is my first blog post....ever. I’m not usually one to talk about my thoughts or feelings, but I’m trying to become more transparent.

So here I am, writing to the void.

I suppose I should start by saying that earlier this year (about 6-8 months ago) I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. At first, it was terrifying. I had been afraid that when I started going back to therapy as an adult that I would discover something completely life-changing, and this definitely fell in that category. What I realized though, was that it gave me more peace than unrest. Instead of being afraid of my future and being worried that my mental health would never improve, I now knew that I could work towards a healthier mind. I finally understood the moments when I had no idea why I was being so erratic, or why I could be feeling so unbelievably amazing one day and the next I would be on the lowest low of my life. I finally understood why I would look in the mirror and not recognize the person that I saw, or why when I recalled memories I was always watching myself live them instead of being in that moment. My whole life finally made sense, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to express just how relieving it felt to know that there was hope for me.

Since I have been back in school I have re-discovered my love for writing. Though this time it has taken form in a different way. When I was younger I loved to write dark emo poetry, the kind that kind of makes you wonder “is she okay....?”. I stopped writing that years ago though, probably about the same time that I stopped wearing studded belts and coon-tails in my hair. Now I thoroughly enjoy writing lengthy, organized pieces...like essays and research papers. You know, the EXTRA exciting stuff. After several nights of me proclaiming my love of research writing to my boyfriend, he suggested that I look into journalism as a career. I had never considered this before. Sure I loved to write but I certainly never thought that I was or would ever be good enough to be a published writer. The more that I thought about the idea though, the more that it became a part of my identity. I was no longer Bri the communications major, I became Bri the journalist. I realized that I could be satisfied with that career choice, and I mean like TOTALLY satisfied. That was something that had ne...