Hey yall, It’s been quite a while.
When I started this blog, I had low expectations for myself. I mostly needed a place to vent and to organize my thoughts. I have a habit of getting excited about something and forgetting it quickly. Most of my ideas never actually come to fruition, but this one did and I wanted to take my time with it. Well much to my surprise, after making my first post I was HOOKED. I wanted to vent all of my feelings out here, I wanted to share things and thoughts that I’d always been afraid to share. Then life got the best of me and I got behind. I let my everyday life and the need to make money and do well in school take over my need to express myself. I’ve always considered myself a creative person, but never an artist. I don’t NEED to create to survive. Im more of a “get shit done because it needs to get done and worry about your self later” kind of person. I keep my nose to the grindstone. But if there is one thing that I’ve learned over the past few years, its that self exploration and self care are just as important as keeping your head above water, and are even vital to keeping your head above water.
In a recent session with my absolutely wonderful therapist Megan (seriously she's sent straight from heaven), I was marveling at the idea of finally being stable enough to be able to explore who I really am. I thought about my entire life and how I felt like I was constantly fighting this current on the surface of my life and the under current that kept pulling my under. I thought about how I was always working towards something that never felt right and how I never felt like I was in the right place. I always felt like the end of my struggles would never come. Like I would be fighting to catch my breath for the rest of my life. But over the last year or so I’ve been able to regain so many little pieces of myself that I never thought I’d see or feel again. Megan told me that as she's watched me grow over the last few weeks, it really made her realize how important and relevant Maslow’s hierarchy of needs actually is. In order for me to feel comfortable enough to explore my ideas and interests I first needed to have a solid foundation in which I could allow myself the freedom to take some risks and to try out things that I otherwise wouldn't have allowed my self to do. So in honor of all of this negativity and sadness that is happening, I’d like to give myself a little pat on the back for achieving some major goals over the last 2 years that I honestly never really thought I’d achieve.
- I moved rather unexpectedly to Chicago. It was the scariest and most lonely thing I’ve ever done. I left my home and a community I thought that I loved for my partner and the hope that a new city would help pull me out of the horrible funk that I thought would never end, but it did!
- I left the country for the first time. I went on a three week trip around Europe and visited Spain, France, Germany, and the UK. That was truly the experience of a life time and I could not be more thankful for the things that I learned about myself on that trip!
- I went back to school and held a 3.78 GPA. This is a MAJOR win for me yall! I struggled with turning in school work during high school. I never had a problem with the material and I was very well liked by my teachers, I just didn’t have the time or want to do my homework. The fact that I am able to achieve such a high GPA and maintain it is AHHH-MAY-ZING!
- I have been able to pursue my passion for wedding dresses and the wedding industry. This is something I have wanted to dive into for such a longgggggggggggggg time. Anyone who knows me will tell you how Much I love fashion, but I have also always dreamed fo working closely with brides and designers during their shopping process or even designing process. I am excited to see where this opportunity takes me!
- I am in therapy! This has made such a crazy positive impact on my life. There are many weeks when I am not sure that I can actually afford my session, even at the very discounted rate that I pay, but I know that my mental health would not be what it is today if I had not returned to therapy. And thank GOD for Megan because I couldn’t have found a better match for my personality and needs.
Im going to stop myself because I could go on and on about all of the wonderful things that I have achieved and have had happen to me over the last few years, but the reality is that I would not have been able to achieve it with out the support system that I have. So thank you to my family and friends, and especially my partner for pushing me to be the best that I can be. Yall are some real ones!
Lets keep the positivity flowing and leave a comment with something amazing that you’ve achieved over the last few years!
Until next time,
B.
February 08, 2023
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